Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Lissa Daly Exposed

I am a horrible person, I think we've both decided that one.
I HONESTLY started to do all this to make you feel better, and you were, and that was making me happy. Believe it or not, I just wanted to see my friend happy.
It got so so out of hand that I had to try and end it, and god help me that made it a million times worse.
I know you hate me and I know you will never speak to me again, but I am so so sorry from the bottom of my heart.
I will send you money via paypal towards your medical bills just as soon as I get my next paycheque next week and I will continue to do so until you tell me not to.
I've told Dennis and he is really angry with me. I don't think I'll be using the computer much anymore. I'll be lucky if it even stays in the house.
I will see someone for help, I promise.
I don't know what I can say apart from I'm rotten.What kind of person does this to someone she loves probably more than her own sister? I never ever meant for it to get SO out of hand--I swear.
I promise I will give you all the money I earn towards your medical bill, but I know that can't erase what I have done.
I loved seeing you happy--it made me feel really good--for all the wrong reasons, I know. I was just trying to bring some happiness into your life because I know you weren't the happiest. I just did it in a really bad bad way.
I know I can't ask for forgiveness, but believe it or not I DO love you like a sister. I'm just completely horrible...a rotten human being that will surely rot in hell.
I can't even say I feel better I confessed to you (and I HAD to do it on the phone and not by email) because I know how much I have hurt you.
I will send you some money as soon as I get back from our week away. It won't be a nice week, that's for sure. It will be very heavy.
I just hope my kids don't find out what kind of mother they have. They don't deserve someone like me, that's for sure.
I'm sure someday I will get what I deserve, and I WILL deserve whatever I get. I know that.
I don't know what to write here anymore. I can't express in words how awful I feel, and I know you won't be able to express in words how angry and upset you are.
I am a pathetic human being. I know that for fact. I've always felt stupid, fat and useless, so I guess it was really nice for awhile to make someone else feel good about themselves. NO excuse I know, but it's fact.

XXXX wrote:
You have NO CLUE...you basically ended my marriage and have put my kids through HELL. I
will never never understand WHY in the name of god you did or how the hell you kept up
with it all. I feel sorry for your family-YOU took precious time away from them..YOU NEED
SOME SERIOUS HELP...Why did you have to bring the whole GUN thing into and how were you
going to get out of it all.................the loss of hair-the smoking-and Jesus Christ
the phone calls!!!!!!! Does your husband know EVERYTHING you did-OMG you were Max Sasha
Liv Julian and last but not least Rach..oh forgot Joelle in France too.......HOLY CRAP I
believe that is criminal!!!

Lissa the Psycho Wrote:
I have told Dennis this morning and basically I'm pretty much in very deep water with him.
I WILL get some help--I told him I will get help.
Oh yes, my kids have suffered too. What the hell kind of mother am I? I feel like the scum of the earth that I am--believe me.
I hope I rot in hell. Simple as that. And I'm sure I will.
My compter usage will be monitored now, like a child, mainly using it at his work while he is there,and I deserve that...not that I plan to use it much besides for work anyway.
Like I said I pray my kids don't find out what a rotten horrible mother they have, and I hope they grow up a million times better than I am.
I've felt like walking away because I'm such a rotten parent, and never more so than right now.They'd probably be a million times better if I did--everyone would, I'm sure.
I've totally destroyed one of the very best things I had in my life--your friendship.
I know sorry doesn't cut it, but I AM---sorry beyond belief and sorrier than I have ever been for anything in my life.

XXXX wrote:
the attack
the ex husband going to jail
the men
the childhood
being followed
the letter
the woman talking about her
the story of having coffee
having cancer
the pills that I told "Max" about
the fact "she" said I was her daughter and "Max" knowing
Suzanne telling her things
Marc coming on to her
OMG i could go on and on

Lissa Psycho Wrote:
YES.YES.YES It makes me sick. I'm a total wretched idiot.I know that. I've totally made my life hell now, and yours as well.I know that.Sorry isn't enough, I know.
You will never speak to me again and I SO deserve that.I've lost my sister because I was insanely stupid.
I should not be allowed to live--I know that.I am a totally worthless human being.I know that. How I was going to end it, I don't know--I would have had to fess up eventually.
Libby WAS a someone. I didn't invent her.
When she left I guess I just tried to fill the void--in a very stupid, stupid way.I know that.
I've told Dennis everything. I am going to get some help--truly I am.
I am banned from any kind of online chats with anyone ever again. My computer time will be limited to where he can watch me.
I am basically under house arrest, and I totally deserve it.
On our return home, my computer will be "relocated" to Dennis' work so I can be supervised. I totally deserve that too.

That was the end..SHE DID INVENT LIBBY even when caught she was still not telling the truth. Her children must be miserable with that as a mother. What kind of mother is she?

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Lissa Has Joanna Lumley (Nikki) Battered and Burned

Date: Tue, 14 Dec 2004 07:48:17 +1100 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Good Evening
To: @yahoo.com
Dearest XXXX
No, I wasn't fishing for information at all. I'm sorry that happened to you, but again, I wasn't asking for information. One thing I am not, is nosy.
You don't think that maybe at times Max looks at me and thinks things about me? When he comes across the scarring on my lower back, the cigarette burns on my inner thigh or the newer ones on my breast, you don't think he is disgusted by me and what I did? I worry that he does--that sometimes in his eyes I am cheap used goods. I mean, that is a physical reminder that he can see--not just my thoughts that I can keep deep inside. Do you think men can think that way?
I have another rehearsal this morning then a brief on Friday morning and another brief one Saturday morning, then that is it--it is all over. It's easy because we all know the music--they are Christmas carols after all, and we've all played them a million times before.
We had a horrific storm here yesterday in the late afternoon--hailstones, thunder, lightning--the works. At the Manly marina, boats were tossed like toys, some landing on top of each other. Our sailboat was tossed, but Jules and I checked the moorings to make sure it was secure, and luckily it wasn't damaged.
Maybe you would like to catch up Wednesday evening your time again?
I was going to ring you, but in all honesty, in my present emotional state, I couldn't possibly. I don't even really want to speak to Liv at the moment. I hope you understand because I know I said I would ring once a week. Maybe next week, no?
I hope you have a quiet evening. I will go have my coffee with Max now.
I will email again later.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Lissa Daly And Her Sick Fantasy Continues

Dearest XXXXX
First off, you haven't ruined my holiday. I do a perfectly good job of that myself. I don't need anyone else's help in that department.
As for you wanting to hear every detail of my holiday? To be honest, I don't think you do.On looking back, your earlier emails fairly vibrated with just the opposite.I just blindly didn't see it, caught in my selfish little world. And who can blame you? Here is me--the pampered stupid idiot woman who never seems to have to lift a finger, has no children to deal with 24/7 and isn't even working, and she is on some luxury holiday that she didn't in any way shape or form earn.
So I've been ill--big deal. So I have been diagnosed with a terminal illness--big deal. That alone doesn't earn a vacation. MAX on the other hand works hard at work, then comes home and works at keeping my head above water. HE deserves a holiday. I am nothing more than a tagalong, really.Riding his coat tails. I am a kept woman--no doubt about it. Kept like a mistress in jewellery and vacations. Great sex is a bonus, yes, but really I probably owe him at least that much.
I"m having troubles holding my head up today because I feel such a deep shame. In order to really enjoy a vacation, one has to earn it. You know, they say $1000 can rebuild someone's home in that tsunami devastated area. How many homes could have been built with this money we are blowing on a vacation? A little child from my life was taken at such a young age yet I am still here. It doesn't seem fair. I will be gone in a decade anyway. She had her entire life ahead of her.
You have nothing to apologise for, cherie. Everything is my own doing.Everything. I am not attention seeking so don't think that. I'm not mooning around in a deep funk. I'm just seeking some solitude today, trying not to upset Max as I do so. I won't ruin his holiday.
Well I am going to close for now. I will email later, and if not, in the morning.
Have a good day, all right?

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Busy Night For Lissa-Hubby Must Have Been Working Late At The Emerald Maraboon Tavern & Motor Inn

Date: Tue, 26 Apr 2005 15:38:28 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Just This
You know, people are sick. I get this note in my mailbox that says this:
"Hey Nicole, R U servicing policemen now too? You R a busy (call) girl ! Can you fit me in somewhere?"

Nice, isn't it? I'm not a call girl, XXXX. I hope you know that.
I just needed to vent. Max is going to go NUTS.

I will email tomorrow. I am going to have a glass of wine right NOW.
Love Nik

Date: Tue, 26 Apr 2005 19:55:28 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Oh Oh
I'm in trouble with Max.I was upset and drank too much. Now I am not exactly sober and I feel sick from wine. That note is right. I'm just a tramp. You can't change people can you? I'm going to bed now before I throw up.

Date: Tue, 26 Apr 2005 20:00:44 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Sorry I am a disapointment. I can't stop crying. Max says I shoud go to bed.

Date: Tue, 26 Apr 2005 20:14:12 +1000 (EST)
From: "Max" maxnnikki@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Nikki
Hello XXXX
I know Nikki just emailed you. I have carried her up to bed. She has had too much wine.She started drinking at 3:30 apparently, and has had a whole bottle.And she rarely drinks more than a glass or two.
My apologies for her emailing in case it caused worry. She is ok.Just a bit upset from a note she got today.

Date: Wed, 27 Apr 2005 06:32:20 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Good Morning
Dearest XXXX
I am so ashamed of myself--emailing you when I had had far too much to drink. I am ashamed that I HAD too much to drink. I don't do things like that--honestly.
The note was not an email. It was a note in my mailbox at my gate. Hand delivered. Claire got one too--stating that I was after her husband. SO in the end I had to explain a few things about my past after all.She had rung me to ask me what all of it was about. How this person (and I suspect one of my ex's friends) knew that Tony was a police officer is beyond me--maybe he has seen him on the job or something.Maybe he saw us at dinner or at the yacht club or something, having lunch. I don't know. Maybe he is watching my house--who knows? My past is never ever going to leave me alone. At least Claire understood and is fine with things. At least I HOPE she is, and that I will hear from her again. I wasn't exactly sober when she rang. BUT I wasn't as bad as I was later. She rang after only about three small glasses of wine.
Well I am going to go have a shower. I feel ill this morning--never had a hangover before in my life. I think that is what this must be, even though I vomited a ton last night.
I am sorry if I worried you or made you ashamed of my behaviour. It won't happen again, I promise.
I will email later.

Date: Wed, 27 Apr 2005 09:45:49 +1000 (EST)
From: "Max" maxnnikki@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Nikki
Hello XXXX
I am at work now so have a chance to reply to this. I don't think these people will ever leave her alone. They like to remind her of things they did with her long long ago. I hope none of you take that into consideration and have judgement, because she did what she had to do in order to survive. I know it all still gives her nightmares. Being tied up and gagged and all of that would leave deep emotional wounds that really will never heal.
Safe? Well, I don't know to be honest. I just do the best I can to keep her close and as safe as humanly possible. I think she is reasonably safe, yes. But nothing is for certain in this life. Security at the house is good, as long as she doesn't get lax about it. It will work if it is all engaged.
I am going to knock off work early today and go home to her.

Reckon the children were left once again to fend for themselves-Lissa couldn't be bothered with homework and or preparing dinner-SHAME ON HER

Monday, October 1, 2007

To All The Loyal Readers In Emerald Queensland-Here is more proof of Lissa's madness

Date: Fri, 19 Aug 2005 05:56:15 +1000 (EST)
From: "Julian Anderson" tinknjules@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Thoughts
To: xxxxx
Hi xxxxx
I don't know if I got any rest.I doped myself up so much that I honestly can't tell if I dozed or not.I might have.I sat up all night last night with her so I know I was tired.
You mustn't think you let her down. I told her the same thing, because I honestly believed it.I should have paid more attention to the look in her eyes and maybe I wouldn't have been so quick to dismiss it as just a dream.
But please don't think you blew it.She loved you an awful lot and that would really tear her up if she thinks you think that.
I just wish I could have had some last words from her. She had all these tubes and couldn't speak.I knew she wanted Max because she kept pointing to her wedding ring. I keep thinking maybe I shouldn't have told her. Maybe my doing that killed her, even though the doctors said it was internal injuries.
Hearing a person sob with those tubes is gut wrenching and I can still hear it.
You know, all she wanted was someone to be with her in the end, and I had to go and get a damn coffee. If anyone let her down, it was me. She looked at peace when I sat with her, and all of the equipment was gone.
Yes thanks if I need help I'll ask, but I know what to do, and I know she didn't want a lot of fuss and bother. I'll take them home next week as planned. We won't miss our flight.I'm just glad it's a private plane.
I hope Liv isn't mad that I've turned off my mobile phone.I don't want to talk to anyone--I can't speak.I hope she understands.
I'm going to go and take some more sleeping pills and try and get through the night in this house.
Try and get some rest yourself tonight, ok? She's probably watching and tut-tutting if you're not.

This is the email I got right after she had Max and Nikki run down........

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Lissa Daly Uses Another Olivia Heartbreak To Play Her Sick Game

Date: Mon, 10 Apr 2006 11:06:13 +1000 (EST)
From: "Livvy" livvyland@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Request
To: "xxxx" xxxxx@yahoo.com
Hi xxxx
No, I'm OK sending these pages.They aren't causing me grief. In regards to miscarriage, I've dealt with it and I'm fine. That was a long time ago. I didn't get nearly as close to the finish line as Nik did.
Yes, she was sure the baby chose to leave rather than arrive. She said "I didn't protect her so she decided I wasn't the one for her."
It's so sad, you're right. Even now--years later Nik felt she needed to say sorry. I hope she got the chance if it would make her feel better.I hope she found her baby.
Well I better go...the neighbour's cow has found its way into my yard again and I don't want it in the garden. Silly thing. I will have to tie a rope around its neck and lead it home. See..my life really is quite normal!
Love and Light

Monday, September 17, 2007

Daly As Olivia Newton-John Covers For Missing Partner

Date: Sun, 21 Aug 2005 16:29:06 +1000 (EST)
From: "Livvy" livvyland@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Hitting a Wall
To: xxxxx@yahoo.com
Hello xxxxx
You are going to be reading things about my partner online. Please don't be upset that Sasha never told you, or that Nik didn't.
It is a deeply deeply upsetting deeply personal loss I am feeling.
I feel that wherever he is, he is looking after me at this time in my time of need.Perhaps just maybe include him in your prayers for Nik?
Love and Light

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Lissa Daly Village Idiot of Emerald Queensland Plays Olivia Newton-John Again

Date: Tue, 17 Aug 2004 16:07:53 +1000 (EST)
From: livvyland@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Nik
It sounds like you have a good plan in place to deal with Nikki. As for why she needs more chemo it's because a test result was misread at some lab somewhere, and her doctor had the good sense to question her fatigue and order more testing. She really should have been having chemo since she left for France.
As for your hypothetical about what if the chemo fails? Well, she would be given care to reduce the symptoms to have a decent quality of life. If need be she would be put in a hospice.Basically, there aren't any other options. But, let's not think about any of that. Believe me, she knows the score.
Yes, feel free to ask any questions as they come up. I might not have an answer straight away, but I know who to ask.
More than nauseous, she will feel really tired. She'll feel green around the gills, and not look so well right after treatment, but the anti-nausea medication works rather well.
Her type of dose of chemo is on the mild side (same kind that I had) and so I can say she probably won't lose her hair. Then again, everyone is different.
Hope that helped even a little bit.
I heard her last chemo session is slated for December 7, so she has her target in her mind. Time for her now to start running that race.
Love and Light

livvyland@yahoo.com.au wrote:
Nik told me that she told you about her battle and I just wanted to say thanks for sticking by her. She has a great fear that she will be abandoned so by simply telling us about it, she has taken a great leap of faith.
This battle will by no means be easy, but I have instructed her to choose the pace and the rest of us will follow. We can step back if getting too close or step closer if she needs that instead.
She has a great oncologist--one of Australia's finest, so she is in really good hands. If he is telling her that the prognosis is good, then it will be. She also has a great regular physician who will deal with the day to day. She has been a wonderful doctor to Nik and understands her very well. The two of them will be a great team for Nik.
Four months of chemo is hard, but it could have been worse--believe me--I know all about that. I myself went through 8 months or so.
You will easily pick up on her clues as to whether she wants to discuss anything or not. Ask her how she is doing--that is really important because it opens the door to more discussion or a polite "I'm fine". It gives her the choice of what to talk about.
There are a lot of good sources of information on the internet about breast cancer, but I'd like to tell you that sometimes you can read too much and it can cause a lot of stress and worry. It might be a good place to find information about what the patient should expect during treatment, so you can see where she is at.She is stage 1 breast cancer, which is fortunate.
If you want to ask anything, feel free. I am by no means an encyclopedia of information, but I can at least speak from experience.
Try not to worry...she is one strong girl with an iron will.
It might sound silly, but honestly, this is not a bad thing to happen to her. It is going to open her eyes and change her way of thinking. She will learn to love life again. It's up to her. She can make it a good thing or a bad one. I chose good and came sailing through.
Love and Light

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Lies Lies Lies They're Gonna Get You

Date: Sat, 17 Jun 2006 16:01:08 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Lissa"

Subject: Re: Read This PLEASE
I have told Dennis this morning and basically I'm pretty much in very deep water with him.
I WILL get some help--I told him I will get help.
Oh yes, my kids have suffered too. What the hell kind of mother am I? I feel like the scum of the earth that I am--believe me.
I hope I rot in hell. Simple as that. And I'm sure I will.
My compter usage will be monitored now, like a child, mainly using it at his work while he is there,and I deserve that...not that I plan to use it much besides for work anyway.
Like I said I pray my kids don't find out what a rotten horrible mother they have, and I hope they grow up a million times better than I am.
I've felt like walking away because I'm such a rotten parent, and never more so than right now.They'd probably be a million times better if I did--everyone would, I'm sure.
I've totally destroyed one of the very best things I had in my life--your friendship.
I know sorry doesn't cut it, but I AM---sorry beyond belief and sorrier than I have ever been for anything in my life.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Lissa Needs an Injection of SOMETHING....

This was Lissas message:

As Susan Ellis said, Joanna is a vegetarian and lobbies for animal rights, so my guess is that she opted for the "non-animal" version as stated in the article: "In the nineties, technology improved and the drug companies were able to develop hyaluronic acid - a totally organic and dissolvable natural filler" I hope so, anyway.
I myself would never inject anything into my face. Lines on your face mean you have lived your life.

- Lissa, Sydney, Australia

Her writing style is unmistakable. BTW Lissa yes the lines on your face mean you have lived your life (What a sad life it must be) and FYI the rolls on your stomach mean you have ingested one too many desserts.
PS Lissa does not reside in Sydney-she had a fascination about the city, among other things LOL

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I Got An Interesting Tidbit Too-Lissa Daly is a Psycho!!!

Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 22:20:08 +1000 (EST)
From: livvyland@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Did You Know
It's late and yet here I sit with a cup of herbal tea. Did you know that late last year, Nikki was asked to pose for an article about Sexy and Stunning Women In The Symphony? They had chosen stunning women who perform in orchestras in Australia and New Zealand. She didn't do it though. She DID have a photo taken but decided last minute she didn't want it published. Perhaps so her ex couldn't find her? I have the photo buried in my computer somewhere if you like. Let me know.
Thought you would find that little known tidbit interesting!
I know she wanted to work another 4 years, and she detests retirement. She isn't doing this for herself but for everyone else. I think she needs to get back to Pilates and Yoga and her riding. That will keep her busy I would think.
All right, I am calling it a night.
Love and Light


She pulled out because she thinks she was not pretty enough to be in such an article. She truly is ashamed of her looks at times. Occasionally she will say to me "it made me feel pretty.." which to me sounds like she thinks she is unattractive. The photos ARE beautiful. I just wish she would see that.
She is gorgeous inside and out, and Max is a lucky man.
All right--lunch break is over for me.
Until later
Love and Light

Friday, August 10, 2007

More Insight Into Lissas Pathetic Life?

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 13:05:29 +1100 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Goodnight
Dearest XXXX
You know, nobody has EVER told me they feel better after talking to me. Never. (BECAUSE YOUR A FUCKING LOON LISSA)
I am just so afraid that my insecurities are going to totally blow it. My mind these days clicks over at a tremendous speed and I can't keep up with it.
I live in fear that I am going to die alone and friendless unless I can control my doubts and worries. (LISSA WILL DIE ALONE AND FRIENDLESS-SHE IS BOTH ALREADY)
That would be such a sad and pathetic end to a rather pathetic life.(YOU SAID IT NOT ME-LOL) But if I close my eyes? I can see it, so it must be just in the shadows waiting. I can see me sitting in a chair by a window looking sad and lonely, with tubes coming out of me. It frightens me beyond imagination.
I rang Olivia and told her to please ignore my outburst and stay a night in my home. My door is open. (YOUR DOOR MAY BE OPEN LISSA BUT AIN"T NO ONE COMING IN)
Well I just wanted to say I am sorry if I caused you any grief over things. I am so good at that, aren't I? I don't want our friendship to ever ever be a chore to you, and sometimes I think it must be. (IT WAS A CHORE IF LISSA HAD NOT BROUGHT THESE FAKES IN I WOULD HAVE BEEN LONG GONE)
I hope you have a good day cherie. (GO SCREW YOURSELF LISSA)

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Lissa Quite Taken (more like obsessed) With Joanna Lumley

Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 19:57:57 +1100 (EST)
From: "Julian Anderson"
Subject: Photos
To: XXXX@yahoo.com
I can't stay on long enough to write an email but I wanted to send all these photos from Nik and Max's holiday near Cairns last January. This was at the ball they went to for that French Diplomat. Most are lovely and clear now, but a couple are very fuzzed....(I think the person that took these was quite taken by Tink!)

Ball 1: Tink
Ball 2: The gown from behind
Ball 3: The fuzziest: the gown she wore
Ball 4, 5, 6: Tink and Max dancing
Ball 7, 8: Two more fuzzies of Tink and Max doing what they love most
Ball 9, 10, 11: More of Tink and Max
Ball 12: Tink and Max
Ball 13: Belle of the ball

Want to catch up later? I can be here around 7:15 PM (Tuesday) your time....just let me know. (I might quickly check in a bit later when you're usually done chatting with your friend Lissa too...)

Usually done chatting with Lissa-how funny. Poor pathetic Lissa.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Lissa Keeps Up With The Drama

Date: Sun, 28 Aug 2005 00:34:44 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Sasha Harris" sashaharris2003@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Sorry
The funeral was today. Janene and I are gonna take the girls up to Big Bear Lake and hide out there for awhile. I figure we will come home in about a week.
I could use the escape from Pete too....
Life really stinks at the moment.
I keep thinking what if Patrick commited suicide? What if he was killed or murdered?
We are all left with so many questions. Poor Liv, they are making it sound like he was all alone in this world with nobody that cared. It's not unusual for them to go days at a time without contact when she is on the road.
Anyway I'll email you when I get home. Hope you are coping all right at this time, too.

Funeral was for poor Sasha's dad-oh the drama. Pete was Sasha husband, who she later divorced. This is a good one-Sasha is speaking of Patrick, Olivias Patrick who went missing. As if the situation wasn't awful enough, Lissa is playing on it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Could This Reflect A Part Of Lissa's Past? No Boyfriends, Freak etc.

Date: Sat, 2 Apr 2005 11:56:40 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Goodnight
Dearest XXXXX
Ok. I'll let you buy me a cake, but it is not at all what I meant for you to do.
Boarding school was never a happy place for me.I was teased and treated like a freak because I wasn't allowed home on holidays. I wasn't allowed priviledges the others got because my parents told the nuns that I was trouble at home, and needed a firm hand with no treats. Basically I attended classes, went to mass (which being a non-Catholic I never understood) and did homework. I also helped in the school dining room, setting tables and clearing up after meals. I never got to go to school dances or such things either. It was nearly 10 years of my life. I was allowed music classes and ballet lessons though. I had to earn my own ballet classes (I started around 12) by cleaning the dance studio floor and mirrors.
Boyfriends were absolutely out of the question, until I was about 17 and met a boy that I thought was nice and liked me. Turns out it was all on a bet, and once he convinced me to have sex with him, I was dumped. He got $50 from his friends and the chance to ruin my reputation at school. I was in disgrace, and during my last year of school, I was kept on a tighter rein.
Once I finished school, I was told to move out of home--somewhere I had never really even had a chance to live in. At one stage, my family moved to a new house and didn't tell me where. By then I was really struggling to live in a very very tiny cramped flat and hold down a job to pay for it. I used to wait tables and clean houses in order to survive. It was that or I would end up on the streets. I used to imagine that my flat was a really nice one with pretty things and nice furniture, but in reality it was like a really sleazy motel--lumpy bed, a hotplate to cook on and a horrible looking bathroom.I didn't even have a couch and the table was this tiny thing with two beat up chairs.Looking at my living conditions, one would never ever guess that I came from a priviledged family and had the title "Lady".Once I got a job as a musician (I was about 24 I think), things got easier by at least a little bit.
I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad for me.I just think it's important that you know things about me--good or bad. I don't have a problem discussing it, and the reason I never really have is because you have never really asked.
I am going to go and sit on the verandah for a little while and get some fresh air. Max is making us some lunch as I write.
I will email again tomorrow. Have a lovely day cherie.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

More Lissa Playing Olivia

Monday, July 2, 2007

How LOW Lissa Daly will go

This, above all else, is what angers me the most. She involved my daughter. I can't imagine a woman with children of her own could even fathom doing something like this to an innocent child.

Date: Tue, 26 Apr 2005 12:57:08 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: from XXXXXXX
Dearest XXXXXX
The clarinet! Well, that sounds like it might be fun! I can't play the clarinet. I can play a violin (THAT is my favourite!), the cello (which looks like a giant violin but it rests on the floor between your knees) and I can play the flute. Max plays the piano beautifully, and we have a lovely piano in the house. It has a lid that lifts up, and is called a Grand piano. (ours is actually a baby grand)
It sounds like you have been doing some interesting things at school.
Tell your mummy to take you to this page:
Well I am going to have a little sleep now for awhile.
Love From

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

'My Girl'-'Hold Her Hostage'????- Creepy Lissa as Max

Date: Mon, 5 Jul 2004 07:26:29 +1000 (EST)
From: "Max" maxnnikki@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Whisking My Girl Away
To: XXXXXX@yahoo.com

Here is a photo of Nik at the airport as we were leaving. NOW my girl is safe and sound and away from her problem at home.
We are safely on board and about 90 minutes out of Sydney. (the wonders of wireless connections!)
She has already fallen asleep next to me because she didn't sleep well last night worrying she was going to forget something.
I will tell her to drop you a line when she wakes.
I think I will hold her hostage until the end of July if that meets with your approval.
Until Later

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Rambling off more lies (Lissa Daly as Nikki)

Date: Tue, 13 Jul 2004 12:19:56 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Good Afternoon (GOOD MORNING)
Dearest XXXX
Even though we chatted I still feel the need to address things mentioned in your email. It's just 4 AM here and I cannot sleep so I will do this for awhile instead.
I still feel terribly that I kept things from everyone. Max was the hardest to keep it from, as he asked more than once why I had bandaids on my hand (from the IV line). I simply said they were giving me vitamins to hopefully gain weight. Feeling ill and hiding it was difficult, yes, but I never wanted him to worry. I remember all too well the look he used to get on his face when he looked at me as I underwent radiation when I was diagnosed, and I couldn't bear it again. He always looked so sad. As for the boys, I never told them, but I think they somehow knew. I think that is why they used me in photos etc--so if something did go wrong, Max would have them. They really didn't seem surprised when I confessed the other day on the phone.
I know I shouldn't have kept it hidden and I know I needn't have gone through it alone, but after seeing both Sandy and Libby lose good friends over the same thing, I couldn't take the chance, even though I risked losing them anyway when they found out.
Now you know why I was tired all the time, and why I often felt ill or headachy.
Chemotherapy is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. It is a poison going into your body and it really leaves you feeling horrible. I'm just grateful I didn't lose my hair. When nobody was home I wore caps with ice in it as I remember Sandy doing and maybe that helped.
No your "are you OKs" aren't tiresome at all..they simply serve as a reminder that I at least have five people in this world who care. Six actually, if you count Suzanne.
So now I have been resting and taking it easy as I recover from my 10 sessions of chemo. I am looking forward to Venice.
I am glad that I was able to catch up with you. I really needed to either hear you vent or say it was ok.
I can't promise I won't do that again, but honestly, in your case (and Max's) I will really try to be open about things. I really only did it out of complete love for you all. I have so much love in my heart but only a few to give it to, so I didn't want to lose that.
I was never shown love in pretty well all of my life (or at least the first 50 years) and I never had anyone to shower it on,so I am trying to make up for that now.
Thank you also for saying I am beautiful. As I said, coming from someone who IS beautiful, it is nice to hear, even though I know it's not quite accurate.
I look in the mirror and see stupid Nikki, scrawny Nikki, plain Nikki, the Nikki not worth bothering over.
Max can make me feel pretty, but that's usually short lived.
Anyway, I will attempt to go back to bed and get some sleep. I probably won't email again until bedtime because we are spending the day in the countryside going to a few little villages.
I'm glad you don't hate me.
Know that you are loved by this person.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Lissa as "Olivia" .....Seeing Dead People

livvyland: Are you online?
livvyland: I was hoping you would be
XXXXX: everything OK?
livvyland: I know Sasha is supposed to check in in a little while
XXXXX: yeah about 4:30
livvyland: yes
livvyland: XXXXX I want to ask you something
XXXXX: of course
livvyland: have you wood floors?
XXXXX: yes
XXXXX: why?
livvyland: a greenish couch?
XXXXX: yes?????
livvyland: does your son play in an office?
livvyland: Nikki has been there
XXXXX: how do you know?
livvyland: because she was just here
XXXXX: really?
XXXXX: you talked to her?
livvyland: sort of
XXXXX: what happened?
XXXXX: how do you know all that?
livvyland: I walked into the living room and there she was
XXXXX: and?
livvyland: she asked if I could see her
livvyland: hear her
XXXXX: and you obviously could
livvyland: yes and it weakened me
livvyland: I had to sit
XXXXX: it would
XXXXX: then what?
livvyland: she said that you can't see her
livvyland: she's tried
XXXXX: I cant
livvyland: that you are mad you never saw her
livvyland: she has been trying
livvyland: she said she shouts and you can't hear
XXXXX: well should I say I know she would try
livvyland: well I'm not sure I want to
XXXXX: no?
livvyland: it certainly wasn't by choice
livvyland: it's a bit disarming
XXXXX: yeah it would be
livvyland: then she told me you had wood floors and a greenish couch
livvyland: and your son plays in an office room
XXXXX: all true
XXXXX: you know I want to tell her I am sorry
XXXXX: for not getting her home
livvyland: that wasn't your fault
XXXXX: did she say much else?
livvyland: OMG
XXXXX: what?
livvyland: she is over there
XXXXX: now?
livvyland: on the other side of this room
XXXXX: what room?
livvyland: I'm in my bedroom
XXXXX: what is she doing?
livvyland: standing there
livvyland: watching me
livvyland: this is a bit weird
XXXXX: just watching?
livvyland: she said tell my darling girl it's fine
livvyland: she says I have to go now.Max is waiting
livvyland: she talks but I can't see her mouth move
livvyland: so am I hearing it?
XXXXX: you hear it in your head?
livvyland: I dont know if it's in my head
livvyland: does that make sense
XXXXX: no it doesnt
XXXXX: you are alone?
livvyland: yes
livvyland: my dog just ran out
XXXXX: freaked?
livvyland: I think so
livvyland: skidding across the floor
XXXXX: they sense those things
livvyland: I feel a bit sick
livvyland: actually
XXXXX: but she looked fine?
livvyland: I guess she did
XXXXX: let it settle
livvyland: your husband doesn't like her much?
XXXXX: why?
livvyland: she had said I go when he's at work in case he sees me
livvyland: he doesn't like me
livvyland: well at least you know she has been near
XXXXX: how are you doing?
livvyland: I should have asked her something
livvyland: but maybe I don't want the answer
XXXXX: I think I knw what your thinking
livvyland: I think I know the answer
XXXXX: I am sorry
XXXXX: maybe when you are ready you will get the answer
livvyland: maybe
livvyland: I better go
livvyland: I just wanted to tell you
XXXXX: thank you
livvyland: Sash will be here soon anyway
XXXXX: take care ok
livvyland: I'll call her and tell her you are online
livvyland: thanks you too
XXXXX: have a good afternoon
livvyland: ok bye XXXXX
XXXXX: bye Liv

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Photos MAILED to Magpie

Caption on back of horse photo: That's me on Allegro (mum's horse) My friends mum is plaiting her tail for me.

Gypsy is the cat and Max is the dog

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Lissa Posts As Nikki On Oprahs Message Board

I Knew It Was Love When...
Total Messages: 442
New Messages This Week: 0

Share your love story!

View Messages:
by Date/Time Order with Replies in Outline

My Ship Came In
Posted by: nikchik - Music makes my day
Posted on: 04/17/2005 at 4:05am (380 of 442)

I knew it was love when the man I had been dating casually turned up at my workplace with a new sailboat.(I worked harbourside). The name on the side of the boat was my own. I asked where he planned to keep this big boat, and he grinned at me and said "I know a girl with a dock in front of her harbourside home". Who could resist? We married on that boat a few years later then sailed off into the Sydney sunset. Pure bliss.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Never Ending Dramatics

te: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 17:17:26 +1100 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: What To Do?
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
Dearest XXXXX
I think there is going to be big troubles in my home tonight. I was in the kitchen chopping vegetables for the stir fry and Marc came in. He made chit chat, then he kissed me. He simply took a step into my personal space, put his hands on my shoulders and laid one on me. OMG I am still shaking. I pushed him away and said "Oh my god--what have you done?" He looked at me and said "I've had a thing for you for years, Nik."
I said "But you loved Isobel." and he said "Yes, but I'm alone now. I'm not asking you to leave Max, Nik. I am just talking about me coming to Sydney once in awhile and us having sex.I can pay you if you want." (O M G!)
I shoved my way past him and ran to Julian's place with my laptop (where I am now, waiting for Max to come home.)
I cannot have him in the house. I honestly did NOTHING to provoke that.Chopping vegies is far from a come on. I have to tell Max.I cannot keep this from him, no would I want to. This man I have known for over 30 years wants to have sex with me...OMG.
Do you agree? He has to go, right? I'm not over reacting am I?
What is it with me that makes guys just think they can take advantage? Do I look like a loose woman or something? Do I look like some call girl? I must.
Amazing how someone you have cared about for so long can make you feel cheap in a matter of seconds.
Max will flip out--he is SO protective of me because he knows what has happened in my life in regards to men.Maybe Marc does too--maybe he has heard Issy and I talking. Maybe he thinks I do these things for men.I don't though, cherie--you must believe me. I'm not loose nor do I flirt with other men in any way.On the contrary--I tend to keep my eyes downcast and my head lowered a lot of the time so I DON"T have eye contact.I just don't want you to be over there thinking I bring these things on. I was dressed conservatively as well.
Anyway, it will surely hit the fan.
I will email again in the morning.

The photo added is one that professional photographer Julian ( how convenient) took as a surprise 2nd wedding anniversary gift for Max. She killed them before that day. Julian came across these photos after the fact, imagine how traumatized he was..

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Here we go again

Date: Sun, 10 Oct 2004 12:30:33 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Goodnight
Dearest XXXXX
Sorry you didn't get the rest for your leg as you had hoped. Going to bed after taking a painkiller will probably help immensely.
You know what I think? I think that you and Olivia email each other and discuss me. I think I am the main topic of your conversations and therefore you are both analysing me.(I bet it goes along the lines of "how does she seem?" etc...) I don't care if you both email each other every single day--just leave me out of it. There are plenty of things you can discuss at length. Yesterday, you had no intentions of even mentioning that you knew about my hair--I know you didn't. Why would you do that? I don't understand why you needed to keep that under your hat. Why didn't she tell me she had told you? I spoke to her before I spoke to you.
I had reason for NOT telling everyone about my hair loss--it is a deeply distressing thing to lose your hair like that, and by not telling it was the single thing I could control.
Everyone keeps telling me to trust them, but how can I?
If you two want to know how I am, I will tell you: I am very ill, I am very tired, I am bald, I have sores in my mouth, I don't sleep well at all, I feel depressed about the whole cancer thing, the chemo gives me the runs, I don't eat much, I have lost weight, I get dizzy, and sometimes I am feeling weak. I suffer myelosuppression (the bone marrow slows production of red, white and plasma cells), and frankly I am sick of it all. Some days I just want to quit treatment and let myself die. If it weren't for Max, I would do just that. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to really go anywhere.
Of course I trust you--I trust you both. I just don't think I will be revealing all my deep secrets anytime soon. I've had a rotten life--never trusted anyone, and have great difficulty doing so now. I am really trying, XXXXX, really.
Perhaps you would like to chat late Monday evening my time? I know with Max gone I will be up late. Perhaps after you get the children off to school? Let me know.
Just remember, I love you like a daughter. I am just a little upset at the moment, that is all.It will pass. And yes, I will see Olivia next week when she comes to Sydney.I simply cannot be mad--it is just not in me.
I will email again in the morning.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Oh me oh my not more problems

Thu, 4 Nov 2004 21:26:34 +1100 (EST)
From: "Max" maxnnikki@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Nikki
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
You wouldn't have got a morning email today because Nikki had a distressing confrontation with her brother,who turned up here. He shouted at her, and as she turned to close the door he grabbed a handful of her hair, and pulled the wig off. They are locked in a disagreement over family matters.
I am sure she will email in the morning.

Sure LISSA I Was SOOOO Happy...Idiot

Date: Sun, 30 Jan 2005 20:53:19 +1100 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Nothing
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
Dearest XXXXX
I earlier had a big huge fight with Olivia over the telephone. I got the "we're all concerned about your smoking" etc. Of course she said it in a nice way but I told her to mind her business (also in a nice way of course). She told me not to get so defensive and it escalated until we were both angry and in tears.
Bottom Line? I told her not to bother coming to see me. Really,I am really really really sick of everyone talking of me behind my back. I know you are one of the "concerned" ones as well.
When I talked to you on the phone the other day, you acted like you knew nothing of things. You did this to my "face".
God, I don't know what to do anymore. You can all just talk amongst yourselves to your hearts content, ok? Just leave me out of it.
I don't know who I can trust anymore. Analysing and discussing my habits and behaviours...lots there to discuss I am sure because I am an idiot.
And don't worry--Olivia didn't give your secret away. I said "XXXXX isn't worried so why should you be?" and she yelled "Of COURSE she is worried!" Then, I knew.
I didn't watch the opening of the men's final in the tennis because I didn't want to hear her sing. But, despite our argument, I am sure she did a fantastic job. I wouldn't expect the "Nikki is really mad" email from her tonight, cherie, she will have a late night at the party after the tennis.
I honestly don't care that the two of you email each other--in fact I think it is nice, but perhaps you can talk of something other than me. Seems we have been down this road before. I am tired and I am going to go to bed now.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Another good one

Date: Wed, 17 Aug 2005 19:02:51 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: HOme
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
Dearest XXXXX
I'm hoime form tratement and as youu can see, it's affecting me alreaaady.I feel really slow and have to really focus on teh keyboard.
I'm okj though. Just wanted to tell ouy so.Max saud we can go sit on the beach after lunch.
I iwll email again before bed.
LOve Nikkkki

This was the LAST photo of Nikki, taken just hours before the accident. And yes, I thought she looked damn good for someone who JUST had chemo that morning.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

All About Nikki-First email from Julian and Max

Date: 12 May 2005 06:44:02 -0000
From: tinknjules@yahoo.com.au
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
Subject: Shhh...Nik doesn't know..

Sketches By A Dance Diva
by TinkNJules

( 7 images )

Julian Anderson

I saw Nik address your album invite a couple of minutes ago. Thought you'd like to see THIS one too! (LOL) Our girl has a secret talent! (I'll tell her I invited you once I press send!) Ciao, Jules

Date: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 12:26:07 +1000 (EST)
From: "Max Reynolds" maxnnikki@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Nikki
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
I just wanted to drop you a line while I keep Nikki company at the hospital. She has had her procedure done and is resting comfortably now. She has to lie still for a few more hours then can go home. The procedure was called a cardiac catheterization, and it tested her heart and also opened up something that was partly blocked. (they insert some kind of tube into her heart or something like that). She is having a sleep now but said she felt fine and will talk to you this evening.I'll set her up in bed with my laptop. She said she is fine so you aren't to fret. She came came out to recovery around 10:30 and needs to lie here for another 2 or 3 hours. Then she is free to go home and should not have more troubles.

This may explain the email addresses used by Max and Julian. They were Nikkis support team and it was ALWAYS about her wellbeing. The oh so very protective men in her life.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

As Lissa's World Turns

Date: Mon, 23 Jan 2006 10:46:07 +1100 (EST)
From: "Julian Anderson" tinknjules@yahoo.com.au

Subject: letter to Suraya
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
Dearest Suraya
Thank you for your letter. I love getting mail and it's always a pleasure to find something from you in my letterbox. Not many people write to me which makes yours all the more sweet. It fills my heart with joy to hear from you.
I write to you with a heavy heart because I am carrying a deep secret that I am afraid to tell everyone. Nearly two months ago I was told I have maybe at best, two years to live. You see, my cancer has taken hold and there is nothing that will turn back the tide now. I have selfishly wanted to do so many things in the next few years that I fear I am being punished for wanting something for myself. Do you think this is possible? I know it's very wrong of me to want something, and I am ashamed to admit I have prayed for wanting more time.
Suraya, how can I tell my husband and "family" that I am dying sooner than expected? They expect so much from me in the next couple of years--they all speak of how I have lots of time left to do this and do that. I am going to let them down in a very big way.
I don't want to tell Max just yet because it will spoil the holiday for him.He needs this rest from all the stresses of the year.
I can't even confide in XXXXX because she has so much going on in her own life right now, and I don't want to add to her burden. We speak on the phone and I come so close to confiding in her just to ease this burden in my heart and to hear words of comfort, but I know I can't. She won't be able to offer words of comfort when she is feeling bad about our shortened time together. It wouldn't be fair to expect it. Julian is still dealing with the loss of Martin, so I don't want to burden him too soon either. I have nobody to talk to and that makes it really lonely.
How do I prepare myself for dying? What should I be doing?
Where will I end up when I do die? I know I'm not the kind that would end up in any kind of Heaven--you know all about my past long ago, but I am frightened about where someone like me ends up. Max will end up somewhere totally different one day because he is such a good good person, so will I ever see him again?
Is it selfish to hope and pray that when the end comes that I will be safe in Max's arms? I think that if I'm not I will be very frightened. Is it terrible to be glad that I will be going first so that I don't have to face so much as a minute without him? My love for him runs so very very deep as you know. He is strong and he will be ok but I am not so strong and my heart would shatter if I didn't go first. Is it too much to hope that he can hold me? Is that unfair to him?
I feel so very lost in all of this. I try to hold close the conversation His Holiness and I had when I visited and it does give me some comfort but I still have so many worries.
What should I be reading? What lessons should I be learning? Can you find me the right texts to make me feel somewhat better and more prepared?
I look forward to your reply. I will write again next week. Give my love to Raj and little Nima. I hope she likes the little doll I am sending with all my blessings.
With much much love,

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Few more from Liv

Date: Wed, 15 Mar 2006 07:58:15 +1100 (EST)
From: "Livvy" livvyland@yahoo.com.au

Subject: Hello
To: "XXXXX" XXXXXX@yahoo.com
Thanks for the emails. I can't say the concert went brilliantly because I struggled a bit. My throat was a bit sore, and I actually had to stop just into Serenity because it suddenly took on a whole new meaning singing it in that place, with that orchestra and knowing who was missing.Nik loved that song and those words very much.It's how she lived her life, after all. I covered though by simply saying I forgot the words. I began again, and finished. I was worried I'd stumble because in the dressing room I had suddenly felt so emotional but it wasn't as bad as I thought.Tonight will be easier, though my throat is still troubling me a bit. It's definitely not easy.
There were a few odd bods in attendance, but I balanced it by planting a couple of friends in there too. I'll make sure I have a friend or two there each night.
Well it is time for me to get myself organised for another day.
I will drop you a line later.
I'm glad you liked the page I made.
No, I don't think I have any of Nik with the SSO. She wasn't one to send me ones of her working. If she has deleted them, then that is a real pity. Surely there must be hard copies of photos at the house somewhere.She was a great one for hiding little locked boxes of treasures into niches in the house. In the meantime,I'll ask the maestro if there are any. Maybe in some archive somewhere...
Have a good evening
Love and Light

Date: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 17:47:17 +1100 (EST)
From: "Livvy" livvyland@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Some Good Comes Out Of Things
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
You know, my little lapse on stage the other night brought about some good. Thought I'd share. I suddenly knew just the photo to use. The text could have been clearer..don't know what happened there! And you know, I did this one sitting on Nik's jetty today.
Love and Light

Monday, April 2, 2007

More Head Games

Date: Tue, 23 Aug 2005 06:35:34 +1000 (EST)
From: "Julian Anderson" tinknjules@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Today
Well the black day draws to a close. It was one of the hardest days yet I think. I slipped your letter into her pocket for you.I put her violin in as well. I put Max's tennis raquet in with him, and one of the many love notes Nik writes to him that I found doodled into a pad of paper.
I know I'm going to hit rock bottom, and I will hold myself together for just another few days, then I'll allow myself to sink, and sink I will I'm sure.
I'm thinking of going to Mrs Mac's chair around 6:30 AM Sydney time Friday morning--before a lot of people are about.You don't think that Friday is too soon do you? I know Nik wouldn't want me to beat around the bush as I'd like to.
Claire will be ok with things. She is distraught and offered to come here to fly back with me, but I said the support when I get there will be fine. I think I'll need to do a bit of leaning on them.
Yes Sasha has cracked. Poor kid has taken a lot of loss in a few short years. She'll be ok though because she's being looked after. Maybe she needed to bottom out too.
Meanwhile I say prayers for Liv because she has absolutely no closure. I just pray he didn't go off and do something in depression or something, leaving this woman wondering.
Well XXXX I am going to go and have a cognac and a smoke, then I'm going to go to bed and end this day. I will go pick them up tomorrow for a last night here in the house.
Take care of yourself
P.S: Lots of photos I have. I've got a nice one from when we went to Monaco--just let me know when you want it.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Another Email

Dearest XXXX
I arranged for this to be mailed after I left Oz for India.Thank you for all you have done for me in the past few months. I know it's not easy to be my friend, but I'm grateful you have hung in there.Before she died, Suzanne told me a few things and I know how difficult I am making things for everyone, and I'm sorry.I know it's been like this for months and everyone is tiring of me but still stands by me.I hope this trip can straighten out my life somewhat so that I don't become an emotional pain in the butt for everyone as I strongly suspect I am. I just wanted to say I am truly truly sorry that friendship with me is so damn difficult.I promise I will try and fix that. I love you like a daughter and I pray that you will never grow to dislike me as so many daughters dislike their mothers. You are one of the greatest gifts I have ever received and I don't want to wreck that.Please don't say that you have never ever felt that feeling of being tired by me because Suzanne warned me that I had to change my behaviour or risk losing everyone. She knows things. I can't say I blame any of you either.I think I would be sick of me too--in fact I AM sick of me. I hope I find the old Nikki again--the one you have never known--the one who giggles and laughs and doesn't get down and depressed. I know she is out there somewhere--I just hope I can find her before it's too late.
Know I love you cherie.That is unconditional and forever.


Thursday, March 29, 2007

Sasha..yet another blonde

Monday, March 26, 2007

This was "Libby" Do you know her?

Here is the email via "Sasha". I have photos of Sasha from her wedding I will search for.....

Date: Sat, 17 May 2003 19:06:34 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Sasha Harris"sashaharris2003@yahoo.com
Subject: Two Things To Give You Solace I Hope
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
I am horrible at scanning and Peter is not home to do this for me, but I will try. Here are two pictures of Libby...the one in stripes was taken when she was helping my dad sort some wedding pics of me.(this would have been late November) The one in red is of her taken before my wedding. (I managed to crop out her "date"...one of our ushers) This was the end of October, just a short while after she finished her rounds of chemo.
I sincerely hope this helps ease your mind. I have one of her goofing off in my maid of honour's kitchen and wearing my veil if you would like...let me know.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Can You Say Mental (her photo will always be added so it remains the first to load)

Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 16:10:23 +1100 (EST)
From: "Max" maxnnikki@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Question
To: XXXXXX@yahoo.com
What do you make of this? This is Nikki out shopping the other day. I didn't take them, and they came to my work email address. Once again, I told the police, but they said "they are simply photos". They came as a greeting card so they cannot be traced.The card simply said "Ho Ho Ho--who is Christmas shopping?" My question is this: Should I tell Nikki and worry her, or just keep her close?
Jules can keep close for the next couple of weeks as he is finished work for the year now and doesn't leave until nearly Christmas, then I am finished work.
P.S: I am not showing you these to cause you worry because she is SAFE (and I DO mean SAFE) but I just want the opinion of someone who knows Nik's thoughts well.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Photo of Lissa along with another example.....

Date: Tue, 19 Oct 2004 11:45:29 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Goodnight
Dearest XXXXX
I'm sorry if I made YOU sick. I know I did because Lissa said you were sick over there. Friends shouldn't do that, you are right.
I seem to do that a lot. Sooner or later, everyone tires of me. I don't understand why--I am not clingy or bossy or manipulative. Maybe it is because I am a very sensitive, emotional person. I hold so much in because of that.
I have sensed more than once that perhaps you were tiring.I even asked you about it on occasion. I am not wishing it on myself, but it seems to happen regularly on its own accord.
I am not asking for ANYONE to feel they need to hold me up. Everyone worries about the effects of everything on my health...and that is my fault for confessing how exactly my health is.
Maybe I need to simply shut myself away from everyone until I get a clean bill of health and then there will be no cause for worry.
I am not meaning to make anyone feel bad about anything,but I am doing a great job of it.
I just want to clarify that I am not upset with you in any way.My health issues are purely coincidental--they have nothing to do with anything that was said or done by you or Olivia or anyone else.Our little misunderstanding was not the main worry I have had over the past few days.I am having ex husband issues, brother issues and more issues related to my family problems. (family trust). This piled onto my health worries is making me break.
Max has gone into protective mode and is guarding my health and wellbeing out of worry and love. He said he emailed you and Olivia and I am sorry if he stepped on toes.
What I want to say cherie, is that if you want to leave, you can. I would never ever hold it against you. Maybe if you did that, you would return one day. I don't want anyone to maintain contact because they feel they have to.I told Olivia that myself this morning when she came by.
I am just worried that if I shatter things completely, they will be irrepairable and I would lose friendships permanently.
I am not a bad person. I am painfully shy and insecure (but NOT to the point of clinginess). I am not a pampered rich woman whose husband coddles her (and I am sure it appears this way on more than one occasion). I am scared and unsure of so many things.I don't want sympathy or pity.
Please do whatever is right for YOU and not ME. I don't ever ever want someone putting me first. I do not deserve that nor do I expect it. I love you completely, regardless of your decisions.
Well I am going to go take that nap now.
I hope you have a good day and that I somehow haven't ruined another. You are a wonderful person and I am blessed to know you.

I feel so sorry for her family........

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

How EVIL Lissa is

Date: Sun, 2 Apr 2006 08:18:34 +1000 (EST)
From: "Livvy"
Subject: Page
To: XXXXXX@yahoo.com
Now, before you go scrolling down, you need to decide if you want to see this page right now.
It's one Nik did of her treatment--showing her various drips and stuff. It's really confronting and her journalling rather sad. I find it even sadder because she wasn't doing any of that for herself. She would have preferred to have just been kept comfortable and live out her life rather than the endless rounds of chemo she would have had for the next couple of years...every couple of weeks.
I think she did this page out of love--to show everyone that she loved them enough to do this. It's still hard though. I find it especially distressing because it brings back my own memories of such things--though not nearly as punishing as hers was.
Decide if you want to look now or later.
Love and Light

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Joanna Lumley as "Nikki"

Date: Mon, 3 Apr 2006 19:48:42 +1000 (EST)
From: "Livvy"
Subject: This
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
Joelle sent me this. Some local had it amongst photos taken somewhere...Nik was in the background. This would have been early August.She looks unwell here so I'm thinking it was just after a treatment
Love and Light

Friday, March 9, 2007

Sick and CRUEL!

Date: Thu, 18 Aug 2005 11:20:51 +0200 (CEST)
From: "Joelle Reynaud"
Subject: Tr: Put in Folder For XXXXX
To: XXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com
Pardon my English is not good.
I give promise to friend, and have promised I did not read.This most recent sent in place of others, sent just two weeks before now.Others deleted as instructed. Letters came often, always to replace last.
You were good friend to her. She loved and often spoke of girl in U.S.
Joelle Reynaud

Date: Wed, 17 Aug 2005 13:52:44 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina"
Subject: Put in Folder For XXXX
To: joelle_reynaud@yahoo.fr
HTML Attachment [ Scan and Save to Computer | Save to Yahoo! Briefcase ]
My Dearest XXXX
Every so often I write a new letter to you email it to Joelle, and have Joelle delete the previous one. She will send you this when I'm gone, and I know she will not have read it, so my words to you will remain private.
I write to you now as I am in France. It is very early in the morning and the sun is just coming up--a beautiful morning.
I'm writing this before my visit there, and if you are getting this before that time, I am so sorry that I left you and broke a promise. You know that I would never break a promise to you, and if I did, there must have been good reason I hope.
I just want to tell you how truly special you are to me, and how much I love you my darling girl.I hope you aren't angry with me for leaving. Sometimes things are just out of our hands.
I feel sad thinking right now that if you are getting this before my visit, I missed out on so many things...a hug, a chance to sit and have a long talk, fun at Disney and getting to know those precious babies of yours and maybe getting a real hug from a child I love just once in my life.
You are the daughter I never had, and that I wish I had. I really truly feel that you were my child at one time in some lifetime before--I love you that deeply.
I could never say that to you because I didn't want to sound crazy or like that horrible woman who told Libby such things. But, somehow when I found you, I filled a hole in my heart.
I wanted to be around to see you happy, and my god I hope I did. I promised you I would never go anywhere until I did.
I sit here writing this with tears streaming down my face at the mere thought of letting you down.
If that has happened, please please get the help you need. Do it for me, if not for you. If you feel you just can't take it anymore, go outside, look up and say Nikki help me, and I hope I can somehow give you strength. After all, my darling, I will never leave you.
I have left instructions that I will be cremated wherever I happen to leave, and then taken to Mrs. Mac's chair early one morning and let free. I don't want anyone to be there except the one who is doing it, and I want no tears from everyone else. I don't want any ceremony, I don't want flowers or funeral notices. I just want to quietly drift away from my favourite spot. Music will be Dream Star by Bond.I decided against Dharamsala because Sydney is just more accessible, and that is where I met my beloved Max and shared a happy life with him.
As for my beloved Max, please I beg you to look after him somehow. Send him emails,maybe have him visit you or something...you will all work it out. Just don't let him slip into the cracks. Remember how much he meant to me and do that for me.
Maybe you could email Jules once in awhile too...he means a lot to me as well.
A year to the day after I leave I will go to my favourite spot and spend the day there. If you happen to go on that day and a breeze from nowhere ruffles your hair, that will be me.
I have always said that everything happens for a reason and I suppose my leaving will have had a reason as well. Fate is fate, and cannot be changed. I think all along I have felt very deep down inside that I am fated to leave suddenly. I left Sydney feeling this and as I type this, I still feel it. I just pray the end wasn't painful because that is one of my worst fears. I've always said I hoped I'd quietly slip away in my sleep and I hope that at least in that, fate was kind. I also hope it was being held by my beloved.
I have this for you:
Best of Friends
Sometimes friends have to leave
It's sad, but true
But this I do believe
They stay a part of you
And if I go away
To live some other place
I will think of you each day
And see your smilin' face
And I will always be your friend
No matter where you are
Just around the bend
Or very, very far
Wherever you will go
When you reach your journey's end
No matter what
I'll always be your friend
I will always be your friend
Although we're far apart
I'll see you in my dreams
And feel you in my heart
And though the years may fly
I know we'll meet again
And when we do
I still will be your friend
I'll always be your truest friend

I hope you can take some comfort in that my darling girl. I will always be there. You will be fine, you will be happy, you will laugh and smile again without even trying.Remember these words I have always loved:
Live well
Laugh often
Love much

I hope you can keep a little spark of memory of me in your mind because it would be wonderful to be remembered with fondness.
Thank you for making my life a bit brighter while I was going through the nightmare of cancer and chemo and all of that other stuff that went on. You have no idea how much you mean to me, and I doubt you will ever fully understand.As far as I was concerned, you were my daughter--I just didn't get to give birth to you and raise you.
Je vous aimerai pour toujours mon fille aimée.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Yeah, LIV as in Olivia Newton-John

Date: Wed, 8 Jun 2005 16:45:09 +1000 (EST)
From: "Livvy" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Nik
To: XXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com
I don't know if you would have read Max's email before now (I noticed he sent it probably late in your evening) Anyway, I rang Nik, and he's right--she is very down today. I don't know why she is so low--I don't think it's all to do with the radiation. I think her thoughts are running rampant again.
I told her I am going to be there tomorrow (Thursday Sydney time) and take her out. We will do some girly stuff--maybe get our hair and nails done or something. I plan to fly in on an early flight so I can be at her house around the time she gets back from the hospital.
Will keep you posted. (I'll make sure she has a good day, ok?)
Love and Light
P.S: Sasha isn't doing the greatest, but she is trying--Janine has got her into some treatment program so hopefully she will soon be on the mend. I'll keep you posted on that one too!
Date: Wed, 5 Mar 2003 16:39:55 +1100 (EST)
From: "Libby Foster" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Thank You

Thank you for the really nice email you sent.I ask
myself a hundred times a day why this is happening to
me, and I don't know.I guess it is just meant to be
this way.
Funny, when you are dying how so many things seem
significant all of a sudden--the sound of J Mum's
voice or the smile I get from those near me.I know
that going to England may buy me a little time, or it
may buy me none.I know the time frame I am looking at
if if buys me none, but, like my friend Lucy, I will
hold that card close to my chest.
I am really lucky.I have been to a lot of places in
the world and seen a lot of wonderful things, so I
have no complaints.
I am just so sorry I have been such a disappointment
to J Mum.She wanted a daughter so much--as much as I
wanted a mum.I have let her down in the worst
way--just as I have let Nancy and Olivia down.I tried
really hard, but I failed.
Anyway, I am taking a couple of days for myself before
I speak to J Mum again.I have a lot of things I need
to take care of.Tidying up my house I guess you can
call it.
Thank you for being so nice to me.I will email again
Love Always,

Friday, February 23, 2007

When asked WHY....

Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 19:55:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Lissa"
I don't have any answers at the moment.I don't know why I've done the things I've done. I've just spent 6 days being grilled and reprimanded and we are going to try to find out what went wrong with my head. What I was lacking in my life, and how I can get better.
For now, I'm pretty much barred from email in any other account but a joint one, so that I can be monitored. Same goes with phone calls. I deserve all I get dished out.
I'm a rotten horrible person and all I can say is how sorry I am, though I know that means nothing to you.
Somewhere along the line I cracked and lost it. My family life has been rotten but I haven't even noticed that. If I don't get my head straightened up, I will have nothing and nobody because I will be left.
I know you don't want to hear that I will get my head straightened and find out what's wrong with me, but I will.
I am a rotten mother to my kids, you're right. They truly don't deserve someone like me.
If I get into online chats again, I will lose my husband and kids, that is a definite. They've all I got now, so I have to get well in the head.
That will begin immediately.

Friday, February 16, 2007

She was good at scrapbooking her lies

Not sure if this is actually Joanna Lumley or Lissa went searching through cancer websites and decided to exploit this poor woman.

Friday, February 9, 2007

Created By the Loser Lissa

How sad and pathetic a life she must have. Certainly missing a few screws!!!!!

Here is how Lissa KILLED off Nikki and Max

Date: Thu, 18 Aug 2005 06:16:51 +1000 (EST)
From: "Julian Anderson" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com.au. Learn more
Subject: Max and Nikki
To: livvyland@yahoo.com.au
Hello Girls
Excuse any spellling errors as I am writing this with shaking hands.
I needed to email you to tell you that earlier today Max and Nikki were in an accident.
They went to the beach and on their way back, were struck by a vehicle out of control.
Witnesses said Max threw himself at Nikki in an attempt to protect her, taking full impact. He was killed instantly.
Nikki was taken to hospital with severe injuries. She regained consciousness and demanded to see Max. It broke my heart because I had to tell he had gone. I've never heard anyone sob like that in my life and I hope I never do again.
At 7 PM this evening, Nikki left us as well. I wasn't even there with her because I had gone to get a damn coffee.
I'm so sorry to tell you this.
I'll let you digest this. If you want more details please email. Liv, don't ring me ok because I just can't right now.

Notice how she gets out of calling with this tragic news....she could fake an Australian woman but couldn't pull off phoning me as "Julian"

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Lissa ....at her best.

This is a scrapbook page that "Niiki" made. She was undergoing chemo....You may recognize the woman in the photo. It is none other than Joanna Lumley.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Lissa is a sick and twisted woman

Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2004 12:56:07 +1000 (EST)
From: "I'm NO Goddess" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Nikki
Nik told me she had a chat with you. She isn't mad I told you because I first told her I would tell you. (does that sound like it makes sense?)
Anyway, she probably didn't give you a lot of detail if I know her. Max says she has huge bruise on her cheekbone and another on her jawline. Her head had to have 3 stitches because he beat her around the head with a bunch of keys. He ripped her nightshirt and even ripped her underwear to gain access. She really is so ashamed, but I told her there is nothing to be ashamed of. I think the most humiliating part was telling the police what had happened and being examined in the hospital while they gathered evidence. She is SO lucky Max heard her or she would have been raped for certain. And in that neighbourhood, the houses are far enough apart that her voice probably wouldn't have carried far.
I know she was so shaken after the jerk ran off that Max actually carried her into the house so he could call the police. In her humiliation she had to hand her nightie and underwear over to the police for evidence which absolutely mortified her. You have to remember that Nik is a LADY and that would have been awful to do.
Don't freak if you don't have a letter from her when you wake--I told her she has to rest and put things out of her head for a bit. We don't need email that badly that she should feel she has to do it so we don't worry.
Martin thinks she is still in shock, so the reality of it all should hit any moment I imagine. She is with him right now and she sent Max to his presentation.
She is a very strong woman, and thank god she didn't have a heart attack. If she hadn't had that heart procedure awhile ago, she surely would have had a massive coronary.
Love and Light


Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2004 07:14:49 +1000 (EST)
From: "I'm NO Goddess" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Nik
I just talked to Nik and she said she just emailed you but didn't tell you what is going on because she is ashamed, but she was assaulted yesterday. I told her I was going to tell you.
She decided to go get the newspaper and it was left on the ground outside her gate . She opened the gate and he was there. He shoved her back inside the yard, slammed her against her fence, punched her a few times then he touched her.
Luckily in her panic, Nik threw up on him. She yelled for Max and he came running which sent that animal running as well.
Anyway Nik was checked out, is bruised but all right. They even did a trace of her heart because it was racing but that is all right too.
As for the animal, the police have him in custody.
I just wanted to tell you. I tried to send you a message but you're not online.
Nikki didn't tell you because she said that she thinks you don't really want to be her friend anymore. I hope that isn't true. I don't think it IS true, but I hope it isn't. She keeps so much inside to save others worry.
I don't know what is making Nikki think that, but she does have a really strong sense of intuition. She can ALWAYS tell when something is up with me--even in an email that says nothing about it.
I hope it's something you both sort out. She is a good soul and would give you her very heart if you needed it to survive.
I better go. My teapot is whistling and is going to boil dry if I don't.
Love and Light

Lissa as "Max" the oh so devoted husband

Date: Mon, 16 May 2005 19:50:45 +1000 (EST)
From: "Max" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Nikki
Nikki's doctor rang. She is going to need a lumpectomy and that will be done on Friday. She is going to need chemo again as well.
We are both reeling a bit but she will be fine. She will email in the morning. I am going to take her for a drive now for some air.

Libby-the invented 17 year old....

Date: Thu, 13 Mar 2003 15:00:30 +1100 (EST)
From: "Libby Foster" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Stuff again

Thanks for your email.
I don't think I will get back to the US.I really don't
think I have a lot of time left.I think my body is
really really tired.
As for J Mum, I worry terribly.It is not fair that I
have so much within reach but just out of my reach at
the same time.
I chatted online with her last night her time.(I
thought all three of you would be there), and once
again I was in tears.So was she.She told me that XXXXX
wants to do a painting of me when I get home.That is
so hard to hear.There is nothing in this world that I
want more than to get home and smell the eucalypt
trees and hear the kookaburras, but I have to be real
She keeps asking me if I am going to get home...like I
am choosing NOT to go.I have troubles walking across
the yard let alone sitting on a plane for 30 hours.
Yes, Sasha is a good friend.Not many would choose to
do what she is doing.She refuses to go anywhere until
I am where I am supposed to be one way or another.
Yes, I think my mum is waiting for me, but I am sure
she did not want it to be so soon or like this.I sense
that she is really distressed by it all.
So, in the meantime, I am trying to be the brave girl
that I should be, and I am trying not to upset J Mum
any more than I already have, but that is really
hard.She asks questions and I am a rotten liar.She
asked me if I knew how long I would have without
marrow and I simply told her that I would probably not
see my 18th.I have a better idea of things, but will
not reveal all.
Anyway,I am glad she has you and Lissa to look after
her.Check in on Lissa too, will you guys? She emailed
yesterday and said she had not sent an email earlier
as she has had headaches for 4 days.That is not
good.She said the computer screen hurt her eyes, yet
she took the time to email me.That was really nice.It
is good that the three of you have each other.
Anyway, until later,
Love Libby

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Wretched Idiot Still Full of Crap.....

Date: Sat, 17 Jun 2006 17:54:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Lissa" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn more
Subject: Re:
YES.YES.YES It makes me sick. I'm a total wretched idiot.I know that. I've totally made my life hell now, and yours as well.I know that.Sorry isn't enough, I know.
You will never speak to me again and I SO deserve that.I've lost my sister because I was insanely stupid.
I should not be allowed to live--I know that.I am a totally worthless human being.I know that. How I was going to end it, I don't know--I would have had to fess up eventually.
Libby WAS a someone. I didn't invent her.
When she left I guess I just tried to fill the void--in a very stupid, stupid way.I know that.
I've told Dennis everything. I am going to get some help--truly I am.
I am banned from any kind of online chats with anyone ever again. My computer time will be limited to where he can watch me.
I am basically under house arrest, and I totally deserve it.
On our return home, my computer will be "relocated" to Dennis' work so I can be supervised. I totally deserve that too.