Another Email

Dearest XXXX
I arranged for this to be mailed after I left Oz for India.Thank you for all you have done for me in the past few months. I know it's not easy to be my friend, but I'm grateful you have hung in there.Before she died, Suzanne told me a few things and I know how difficult I am making things for everyone, and I'm sorry.I know it's been like this for months and everyone is tiring of me but still stands by me.I hope this trip can straighten out my life somewhat so that I don't become an emotional pain in the butt for everyone as I strongly suspect I am. I just wanted to say I am truly truly sorry that friendship with me is so damn difficult.I promise I will try and fix that. I love you like a daughter and I pray that you will never grow to dislike me as so many daughters dislike their mothers. You are one of the greatest gifts I have ever received and I don't want to wreck that.Please don't say that you have never ever felt that feeling of being tired by me because Suzanne warned me that I had to change my behaviour or risk losing everyone. She knows things. I can't say I blame any of you either.I think I would be sick of me too--in fact I AM sick of me. I hope I find the old Nikki again--the one you have never known--the one who giggles and laughs and doesn't get down and depressed. I know she is out there somewhere--I just hope I can find her before it's too late.
Know I love you cherie.That is unconditional and forever.


Affectueusement,
Nikki