Date: Tue, 19 Oct 2004 11:45:29 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Goodnight
To: XXXXX
Dearest XXXXX
I'm sorry if I made YOU sick. I know I did because Lissa said you were sick over there. Friends shouldn't do that, you are right.
I seem to do that a lot. Sooner or later, everyone tires of me. I don't understand why--I am not clingy or bossy or manipulative. Maybe it is because I am a very sensitive, emotional person. I hold so much in because of that.
I have sensed more than once that perhaps you were tiring.I even asked you about it on occasion. I am not wishing it on myself, but it seems to happen regularly on its own accord.
I am not asking for ANYONE to feel they need to hold me up. Everyone worries about the effects of everything on my health...and that is my fault for confessing how exactly my health is.
Maybe I need to simply shut myself away from everyone until I get a clean bill of health and then there will be no cause for worry.
I am not meaning to make anyone feel bad about anything,but I am doing a great job of it.
I just want to clarify that I am not upset with you in any way.My health issues are purely coincidental--they have nothing to do with anything that was said or done by you or Olivia or anyone else.Our little misunderstanding was not the main worry I have had over the past few days.I am having ex husband issues, brother issues and more issues related to my family problems. (family trust). This piled onto my health worries is making me break.
Max has gone into protective mode and is guarding my health and wellbeing out of worry and love. He said he emailed you and Olivia and I am sorry if he stepped on toes.
What I want to say cherie, is that if you want to leave, you can. I would never ever hold it against you. Maybe if you did that, you would return one day. I don't want anyone to maintain contact because they feel they have to.I told Olivia that myself this morning when she came by.
I am just worried that if I shatter things completely, they will be irrepairable and I would lose friendships permanently.
I am not a bad person. I am painfully shy and insecure (but NOT to the point of clinginess). I am not a pampered rich woman whose husband coddles her (and I am sure it appears this way on more than one occasion). I am scared and unsure of so many things.I don't want sympathy or pity.
Please do whatever is right for YOU and not ME. I don't ever ever want someone putting me first. I do not deserve that nor do I expect it. I love you completely, regardless of your decisions.
Well I am going to go take that nap now.
I hope you have a good day and that I somehow haven't ruined another. You are a wonderful person and I am blessed to know you.
Affectueusement
Nikki
I feel so sorry for her family........
