From: "Nikkohlina" email@example.com
Subject: Re: Goodnight
Sorry you didn't get the rest for your leg as you had hoped. Going to bed after taking a painkiller will probably help immensely.
You know what I think? I think that you and Olivia email each other and discuss me. I think I am the main topic of your conversations and therefore you are both analysing me.(I bet it goes along the lines of "how does she seem?" etc...) I don't care if you both email each other every single day--just leave me out of it. There are plenty of things you can discuss at length. Yesterday, you had no intentions of even mentioning that you knew about my hair--I know you didn't. Why would you do that? I don't understand why you needed to keep that under your hat. Why didn't she tell me she had told you? I spoke to her before I spoke to you.
I had reason for NOT telling everyone about my hair loss--it is a deeply distressing thing to lose your hair like that, and by not telling it was the single thing I could control.
Everyone keeps telling me to trust them, but how can I?
If you two want to know how I am, I will tell you: I am very ill, I am very tired, I am bald, I have sores in my mouth, I don't sleep well at all, I feel depressed about the whole cancer thing, the chemo gives me the runs, I don't eat much, I have lost weight, I get dizzy, and sometimes I am feeling weak. I suffer myelosuppression (the bone marrow slows production of red, white and plasma cells), and frankly I am sick of it all. Some days I just want to quit treatment and let myself die. If it weren't for Max, I would do just that. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to really go anywhere.
Of course I trust you--I trust you both. I just don't think I will be revealing all my deep secrets anytime soon. I've had a rotten life--never trusted anyone, and have great difficulty doing so now. I am really trying, XXXXX, really.
Perhaps you would like to chat late Monday evening my time? I know with Max gone I will be up late. Perhaps after you get the children off to school? Let me know.
Just remember, I love you like a daughter. I am just a little upset at the moment, that is all.It will pass. And yes, I will see Olivia next week when she comes to Sydney.I simply cannot be mad--it is just not in me.
I will email again in the morning.