First off, you haven't ruined my holiday. I do a perfectly good job of that myself. I don't need anyone else's help in that department.
As for you wanting to hear every detail of my holiday? To be honest, I don't think you do.On looking back, your earlier emails fairly vibrated with just the opposite.I just blindly didn't see it, caught in my selfish little world. And who can blame you? Here is me--the pampered stupid idiot woman who never seems to have to lift a finger, has no children to deal with 24/7 and isn't even working, and she is on some luxury holiday that she didn't in any way shape or form earn.
So I've been ill--big deal. So I have been diagnosed with a terminal illness--big deal. That alone doesn't earn a vacation. MAX on the other hand works hard at work, then comes home and works at keeping my head above water. HE deserves a holiday. I am nothing more than a tagalong, really.Riding his coat tails. I am a kept woman--no doubt about it. Kept like a mistress in jewellery and vacations. Great sex is a bonus, yes, but really I probably owe him at least that much.
I"m having troubles holding my head up today because I feel such a deep shame. In order to really enjoy a vacation, one has to earn it. You know, they say $1000 can rebuild someone's home in that tsunami devastated area. How many homes could have been built with this money we are blowing on a vacation? A little child from my life was taken at such a young age yet I am still here. It doesn't seem fair. I will be gone in a decade anyway. She had her entire life ahead of her.
You have nothing to apologise for, cherie. Everything is my own doing.Everything. I am not attention seeking so don't think that. I'm not mooning around in a deep funk. I'm just seeking some solitude today, trying not to upset Max as I do so. I won't ruin his holiday.
Well I am going to close for now. I will email later, and if not, in the morning.
Have a good day, all right?