From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Goodnight
To: XXXXX
Dearest XXXXX
Sorry you didn't get the rest for your leg as you had hoped. Going to bed after taking a painkiller will probably help immensely.
You know what I think? I think that you and Olivia email each other and discuss me. I think I am the main topic of your conversations and therefore you are both analysing me.(I bet it goes along the lines of "how does she seem?" etc...) I don't care if you both email each other every single day--just leave me out of it. There are plenty of things you can discuss at length. Yesterday, you had no intentions of even mentioning that you knew about my hair--I know you didn't. Why would you do that? I don't understand why you needed to keep that under your hat. Why didn't she tell me she had told you? I spoke to her before I spoke to you.
I had reason for NOT telling everyone about my hair loss--it is a deeply distressing thing to lose your hair like that, and by not telling it was the single thing I could control.
Everyone keeps telling me to trust them, but how can I?
If you two want to know how I am, I will tell you: I am very ill, I am very tired, I am bald, I have sores in my mouth, I don't sleep well at all, I feel depressed about the whole cancer thing, the chemo gives me the runs, I don't eat much, I have lost weight, I get dizzy, and sometimes I am feeling weak. I suffer myelosuppression (the bone marrow slows production of red, white and plasma cells), and frankly I am sick of it all. Some days I just want to quit treatment and let myself die. If it weren't for Max, I would do just that. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to really go anywhere.
Of course I trust you--I trust you both. I just don't think I will be revealing all my deep secrets anytime soon. I've had a rotten life--never trusted anyone, and have great difficulty doing so now. I am really trying, XXXXX, really.
Perhaps you would like to chat late Monday evening my time? I know with Max gone I will be up late. Perhaps after you get the children off to school? Let me know.
Just remember, I love you like a daughter. I am just a little upset at the moment, that is all.It will pass. And yes, I will see Olivia next week when she comes to Sydney.I simply cannot be mad--it is just not in me.
I will email again in the morning.
Affectueusement
Nikki
5 comments:
See, there she goes trying to make you feel guilty in just the first few lines.
Magpie.
"I love you like a daughter"
Then she shouldn't act like such a little brat! Do you think Lissa actually had any feelings for you, or just for the game?
Good God no! Individuals with this type of mental illness are not capable of love, empathy, remorse and a pile of other normal emotions.
To Lissa it was her way of keeping me hooked....
Doesn't she (real Lissa) have a family??
She does. A husband and two children.
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