Date: Tue, 13 Jul 2004 12:19:56 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" nikkohlina@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Re: Good Afternoon (GOOD MORNING)
To: "XXXXX"
Dearest XXXX
Even though we chatted I still feel the need to address things mentioned in your email. It's just 4 AM here and I cannot sleep so I will do this for awhile instead.
I still feel terribly that I kept things from everyone. Max was the hardest to keep it from, as he asked more than once why I had bandaids on my hand (from the IV line). I simply said they were giving me vitamins to hopefully gain weight. Feeling ill and hiding it was difficult, yes, but I never wanted him to worry. I remember all too well the look he used to get on his face when he looked at me as I underwent radiation when I was diagnosed, and I couldn't bear it again. He always looked so sad. As for the boys, I never told them, but I think they somehow knew. I think that is why they used me in photos etc--so if something did go wrong, Max would have them. They really didn't seem surprised when I confessed the other day on the phone.
I know I shouldn't have kept it hidden and I know I needn't have gone through it alone, but after seeing both Sandy and Libby lose good friends over the same thing, I couldn't take the chance, even though I risked losing them anyway when they found out.
Now you know why I was tired all the time, and why I often felt ill or headachy.
Chemotherapy is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. It is a poison going into your body and it really leaves you feeling horrible. I'm just grateful I didn't lose my hair. When nobody was home I wore caps with ice in it as I remember Sandy doing and maybe that helped.
No your "are you OKs" aren't tiresome at all..they simply serve as a reminder that I at least have five people in this world who care. Six actually, if you count Suzanne.
So now I have been resting and taking it easy as I recover from my 10 sessions of chemo. I am looking forward to Venice.
I am glad that I was able to catch up with you. I really needed to either hear you vent or say it was ok.
I can't promise I won't do that again, but honestly, in your case (and Max's) I will really try to be open about things. I really only did it out of complete love for you all. I have so much love in my heart but only a few to give it to, so I didn't want to lose that.
I was never shown love in pretty well all of my life (or at least the first 50 years) and I never had anyone to shower it on,so I am trying to make up for that now.
Thank you also for saying I am beautiful. As I said, coming from someone who IS beautiful, it is nice to hear, even though I know it's not quite accurate.
I look in the mirror and see stupid Nikki, scrawny Nikki, plain Nikki, the Nikki not worth bothering over.
Max can make me feel pretty, but that's usually short lived.
Anyway, I will attempt to go back to bed and get some sleep. I probably won't email again until bedtime because we are spending the day in the countryside going to a few little villages.
I'm glad you don't hate me.
Know that you are loved by this person.
Affectueusement
Nikki
11 comments:
'im so scrawny, i need to gain weight' hahahahaha when coming from lissa :p
lol--okay if no one else will say it i will
Lissa darling you are as big as a house
pretend all you like-you are what you are!
any pics of suzanne ? and winner u had any more contact from her or her hubby ? psychiatrist looking for info ? lol
didnt know were too ask this question so i put it here, winner did you ever actually get too speak too dennis ? did he ever answer your emails ? a lot of this is confusing i got lost im wondering what if anything dennis thinks !
I don't think he knows... Even if WTIA sent him a 'package' probably Lissa was cunning enough to get her hands on it before it even reached him...
But if they share the same last name you could probably look him up in the phone directory and actually call, yeah! She could fake a lot of women's voices, but probably not a man...
No actually I have already tried that myself, they have a new and silent phone number.
Magpie.
No, I have never spoken to Dennis. The package (full of emails Lissa sent as Nikki, Max, Olivia, Julian, etc) were sent to his place of work. The last time I spoke to Lissa she said "Dennis got your little package". I am sure she lied her way out of it, she is that good (scary). As for what if anything he has done about it, I don't know. Magpie is right, their number was changed.
what if the person doing this is not really called lissa daly but stole her identity too
I too doubt he ever got it....... which means he doesn't know and Lissa got away!!!!!!!!
I am 99% sure her real name is Lissa Daly, but anything is possible. The package was sent to the husbands place of work, so I doubt she would have been able to get to it before he did.
Yeah, I have a photo of Suzanne somewhere. It is of Joanna Lumley and some woman, probably an actress. I'll post.
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