Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Date: Mon, 5 Jul 2004 07:26:29 +1000 (EST)
From: "Max" firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: Whisking My Girl Away
Here is a photo of Nik at the airport as we were leaving. NOW my girl is safe and sound and away from her problem at home.
We are safely on board and about 90 minutes out of Sydney. (the wonders of wireless connections!)
She has already fallen asleep next to me because she didn't sleep well last night worrying she was going to forget something.
I will tell her to drop you a line when she wakes.
I think I will hold her hostage until the end of July if that meets with your approval.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Date: Tue, 13 Jul 2004 12:19:56 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina" email@example.com
Subject: Re: Good Afternoon (GOOD MORNING)
Even though we chatted I still feel the need to address things mentioned in your email. It's just 4 AM here and I cannot sleep so I will do this for awhile instead.
I still feel terribly that I kept things from everyone. Max was the hardest to keep it from, as he asked more than once why I had bandaids on my hand (from the IV line). I simply said they were giving me vitamins to hopefully gain weight. Feeling ill and hiding it was difficult, yes, but I never wanted him to worry. I remember all too well the look he used to get on his face when he looked at me as I underwent radiation when I was diagnosed, and I couldn't bear it again. He always looked so sad. As for the boys, I never told them, but I think they somehow knew. I think that is why they used me in photos etc--so if something did go wrong, Max would have them. They really didn't seem surprised when I confessed the other day on the phone.
I know I shouldn't have kept it hidden and I know I needn't have gone through it alone, but after seeing both Sandy and Libby lose good friends over the same thing, I couldn't take the chance, even though I risked losing them anyway when they found out.
Now you know why I was tired all the time, and why I often felt ill or headachy.
Chemotherapy is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. It is a poison going into your body and it really leaves you feeling horrible. I'm just grateful I didn't lose my hair. When nobody was home I wore caps with ice in it as I remember Sandy doing and maybe that helped.
No your "are you OKs" aren't tiresome at all..they simply serve as a reminder that I at least have five people in this world who care. Six actually, if you count Suzanne.
So now I have been resting and taking it easy as I recover from my 10 sessions of chemo. I am looking forward to Venice.
I am glad that I was able to catch up with you. I really needed to either hear you vent or say it was ok.
I can't promise I won't do that again, but honestly, in your case (and Max's) I will really try to be open about things. I really only did it out of complete love for you all. I have so much love in my heart but only a few to give it to, so I didn't want to lose that.
I was never shown love in pretty well all of my life (or at least the first 50 years) and I never had anyone to shower it on,so I am trying to make up for that now.
Thank you also for saying I am beautiful. As I said, coming from someone who IS beautiful, it is nice to hear, even though I know it's not quite accurate.
I look in the mirror and see stupid Nikki, scrawny Nikki, plain Nikki, the Nikki not worth bothering over.
Max can make me feel pretty, but that's usually short lived.
Anyway, I will attempt to go back to bed and get some sleep. I probably won't email again until bedtime because we are spending the day in the countryside going to a few little villages.
I'm glad you don't hate me.
Know that you are loved by this person.
Posted by Winner Takes It ALL at 5:39 AM