Sunday, May 27, 2007

Lissa as "Olivia" .....Seeing Dead People

livvyland: Are you online?
livvyland: I was hoping you would be
XXXXX: everything OK?
livvyland: I know Sasha is supposed to check in in a little while
XXXXX: yeah about 4:30
livvyland: yes
livvyland: XXXXX I want to ask you something
XXXXX: of course
livvyland: have you wood floors?
XXXXX: yes
XXXXX: why?
livvyland: a greenish couch?
XXXXX: yes?????
livvyland: does your son play in an office?
livvyland: Nikki has been there
XXXXX: how do you know?
livvyland: because she was just here
XXXXX: really?
XXXXX: you talked to her?
livvyland: sort of
XXXXX: what happened?
XXXXX: how do you know all that?
livvyland: I walked into the living room and there she was
XXXXX: and?
livvyland: she asked if I could see her
livvyland: hear her
XXXXX: and you obviously could
livvyland: yes and it weakened me
livvyland: I had to sit
XXXXX: it would
XXXXX: then what?
livvyland: she said that you can't see her
livvyland: she's tried
XXXXX: I cant
livvyland: that you are mad you never saw her
livvyland: she has been trying
livvyland: she said she shouts and you can't hear
XXXXX: well should I say I know she would try
livvyland: well I'm not sure I want to
XXXXX: no?
livvyland: it certainly wasn't by choice
livvyland: it's a bit disarming
XXXXX: yeah it would be
livvyland: then she told me you had wood floors and a greenish couch
livvyland: and your son plays in an office room
XXXXX: all true
XXXXX: you know I want to tell her I am sorry
XXXXX: for not getting her home
livvyland: that wasn't your fault
XXXXX: did she say much else?
livvyland: OMG
XXXXX: what?
livvyland: she is over there
XXXXX: now?
livvyland: on the other side of this room
XXXXX: what room?
livvyland: I'm in my bedroom
XXXXX: what is she doing?
livvyland: standing there
livvyland: watching me
livvyland: this is a bit weird
XXXXX: just watching?
livvyland: she said tell my darling girl it's fine
livvyland: she says I have to go now.Max is waiting
livvyland: she talks but I can't see her mouth move
livvyland: so am I hearing it?
XXXXX: you hear it in your head?
livvyland: I dont know if it's in my head
livvyland: does that make sense
XXXXX: no it doesnt
XXXXX: you are alone?
livvyland: yes
livvyland: my dog just ran out
XXXXX: freaked?
livvyland: I think so
livvyland: skidding across the floor
XXXXX: they sense those things
livvyland: I feel a bit sick
livvyland: actually
XXXXX: but she looked fine?
livvyland: I guess she did
XXXXX: let it settle
livvyland: your husband doesn't like her much?
XXXXX: why?
livvyland: she had said I go when he's at work in case he sees me
livvyland: he doesn't like me
livvyland: well at least you know she has been near
XXXXX: how are you doing?
livvyland: I should have asked her something
livvyland: but maybe I don't want the answer
XXXXX: I think I knw what your thinking
livvyland: I think I know the answer
XXXXX: I am sorry
XXXXX: maybe when you are ready you will get the answer
livvyland: maybe
livvyland: I better go
livvyland: I just wanted to tell you
XXXXX: thank you
livvyland: Sash will be here soon anyway
XXXXX: take care ok
livvyland: I'll call her and tell her you are online
livvyland: thanks you too
XXXXX: have a good afternoon
livvyland: ok bye XXXXX
XXXXX: bye Liv

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Photos MAILED to Magpie

Caption on back of horse photo: That's me on Allegro (mum's horse) My friends mum is plaiting her tail for me.

Gypsy is the cat and Max is the dog

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Lissa Posts As Nikki On Oprahs Message Board

I Knew It Was Love When...
Total Messages: 442
New Messages This Week: 0

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My Ship Came In
Posted by: nikchik - Music makes my day
Posted on: 04/17/2005 at 4:05am (380 of 442)

I knew it was love when the man I had been dating casually turned up at my workplace with a new sailboat.(I worked harbourside). The name on the side of the boat was my own. I asked where he planned to keep this big boat, and he grinned at me and said "I know a girl with a dock in front of her harbourside home". Who could resist? We married on that boat a few years later then sailed off into the Sydney sunset. Pure bliss.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Never Ending Dramatics

te: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 17:17:26 +1100 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina"
Subject: What To Do?
Dearest XXXXX
I think there is going to be big troubles in my home tonight. I was in the kitchen chopping vegetables for the stir fry and Marc came in. He made chit chat, then he kissed me. He simply took a step into my personal space, put his hands on my shoulders and laid one on me. OMG I am still shaking. I pushed him away and said "Oh my god--what have you done?" He looked at me and said "I've had a thing for you for years, Nik."
I said "But you loved Isobel." and he said "Yes, but I'm alone now. I'm not asking you to leave Max, Nik. I am just talking about me coming to Sydney once in awhile and us having sex.I can pay you if you want." (O M G!)
I shoved my way past him and ran to Julian's place with my laptop (where I am now, waiting for Max to come home.)
I cannot have him in the house. I honestly did NOTHING to provoke that.Chopping vegies is far from a come on. I have to tell Max.I cannot keep this from him, no would I want to. This man I have known for over 30 years wants to have sex with me...OMG.
Do you agree? He has to go, right? I'm not over reacting am I?
What is it with me that makes guys just think they can take advantage? Do I look like a loose woman or something? Do I look like some call girl? I must.
Amazing how someone you have cared about for so long can make you feel cheap in a matter of seconds.
Max will flip out--he is SO protective of me because he knows what has happened in my life in regards to men.Maybe Marc does too--maybe he has heard Issy and I talking. Maybe he thinks I do these things for men.I don't though, cherie--you must believe me. I'm not loose nor do I flirt with other men in any way.On the contrary--I tend to keep my eyes downcast and my head lowered a lot of the time so I DON"T have eye contact.I just don't want you to be over there thinking I bring these things on. I was dressed conservatively as well.
Anyway, it will surely hit the fan.
I will email again in the morning.

The photo added is one that professional photographer Julian ( how convenient) took as a surprise 2nd wedding anniversary gift for Max. She killed them before that day. Julian came across these photos after the fact, imagine how traumatized he was..

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Here we go again

Date: Sun, 10 Oct 2004 12:30:33 +1000 (EST)
From: "Nikkohlina"
Subject: Re: Goodnight
Dearest XXXXX
Sorry you didn't get the rest for your leg as you had hoped. Going to bed after taking a painkiller will probably help immensely.
You know what I think? I think that you and Olivia email each other and discuss me. I think I am the main topic of your conversations and therefore you are both analysing me.(I bet it goes along the lines of "how does she seem?" etc...) I don't care if you both email each other every single day--just leave me out of it. There are plenty of things you can discuss at length. Yesterday, you had no intentions of even mentioning that you knew about my hair--I know you didn't. Why would you do that? I don't understand why you needed to keep that under your hat. Why didn't she tell me she had told you? I spoke to her before I spoke to you.
I had reason for NOT telling everyone about my hair loss--it is a deeply distressing thing to lose your hair like that, and by not telling it was the single thing I could control.
Everyone keeps telling me to trust them, but how can I?
If you two want to know how I am, I will tell you: I am very ill, I am very tired, I am bald, I have sores in my mouth, I don't sleep well at all, I feel depressed about the whole cancer thing, the chemo gives me the runs, I don't eat much, I have lost weight, I get dizzy, and sometimes I am feeling weak. I suffer myelosuppression (the bone marrow slows production of red, white and plasma cells), and frankly I am sick of it all. Some days I just want to quit treatment and let myself die. If it weren't for Max, I would do just that. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to really go anywhere.
Of course I trust you--I trust you both. I just don't think I will be revealing all my deep secrets anytime soon. I've had a rotten life--never trusted anyone, and have great difficulty doing so now. I am really trying, XXXXX, really.
Perhaps you would like to chat late Monday evening my time? I know with Max gone I will be up late. Perhaps after you get the children off to school? Let me know.
Just remember, I love you like a daughter. I am just a little upset at the moment, that is all.It will pass. And yes, I will see Olivia next week when she comes to Sydney.I simply cannot be mad--it is just not in me.
I will email again in the morning.